In My Life - old

I know a lot of people will think I am just freaking out for no reason, I am still young and blablabla. But I know I am not alone in this (thanks, Dani for holding my hand in the most miserably ridiculous and inappropriate moments of my life), and I know deep inside I am right... kinda.

So after a little chat on PMS, identity + aging crisis (it's been a while since I started lying about my age) and a cup of chocolate milk, I caught myself thinking about what's still ok to do at my age, with my lifestyle, and what would just be... ridiculous.

So I made a list, kind of what I do and what I used to... kind of... do.

1. Having a little too much to drink - acceptable.
2. Getting drunk as a skunk and sleeping on the bathroom sink - not acceptable.
3. Going to (punk) rock concerts - acceptable.
4. Going backstage, cover myself with band stickers, waking up the morning after not knowing whose shirt I'm wearing - not acceptable.
5. Hitting a club or party, hooking up with a stranger - acceptable.
6. Hooking up with 11 - not acceptable.
7. Borrowing my boss's bike - acceptable.
8. Seeing a random bike on the street and walk away with it - not acceptable.
9. Pretend I'm "PRESS" just to get in for free at music events - acceptable.
10. Not staying for the concert because the band is boring - still acceptable, not very polite though.

That's just a little taste of it. My life has changed so much and it's depressing to think there are so many things I can't do anymore... Unless I'm ok with being that old spinster that you look at when you're 18 and perky and think "Can you BE more trashy?"

There are some things in life that you've always known or thought would never happen. This is one of them.

I don't just mean the tremendous unlikelihood of me crossing paths with the star and seducing him, but I never really thought of him like that... I've never been a Brad Pitt sigher, per say.
Does he have dreamy eyes? He does. Is his body yummylicious? Indeed. Is he a great actor? Hell, yeah. Plus he's apparently an intelligent and sensitive guy, so what else would someone ask of a man? I don't know, but he never really did it for me.

Last night, however, my psych surprised me. I dreamed that I was going to bed with Brad Pitt. How odd is that???
I was pretty much just sitting on a patio with some friends chatting, and there he pops, out of nowhere and asks me "You wanna go to sleep with me?" (deep down I knew his dreamy intentions were something other than sleeping), so I held his hand and we just started walking.
We passed by some pools, we went by 2 brothers from my hometown (who I happen to dislike), we passed by some muddy places that led to the bus stop across the street from my parents house, then there we were... inside a beautiful and luxurious hotel room.
And of course, as humble as he is, his concern was "I wonder how much we'll have to pay for this room".

Nothing really happened, because lots of people started entering the room (yes Lilize, that's why nothing happened!!), when we finally got rid of them all and locked the door, it was morning for me. So no hanky-panky for Mr. Pitt this time, but... talk about hidden meanings there!

I was reading some (very) old posts the other day and couldn't help but notice the huge difference in posting numbers.
Back in 2002 there were months I wrote up to 90 posts! So I think... why is it so hard for me to write anything at all nowadays?

What was going on in my life that had me so full of opinions?
It is really a problem that I have had for the past 5 years now... figuring out a topic to write about. Because I don't want to write just anything, people want to write something interesting and meaningful. Then there are the stories full of hidden meanings and things we're not supposed to share publicly (not because other people can't read it, but because someone in specific can't read it, and you know the web...) There are so many limitations!!!

I actually had to go on a 6 month hiatus because of a relationship once.
There was also that time when my Dad called me asking me what was that whole alcohol thing about and if I was ok... I did not understand a word, then he muttered something about "I read it online". I rushed to my blog, the last 5 posts all started in a variation of "Today I woke up and got drunk".

Where do people get all this inspiration? I wanna go there too!!!
I am so bad, I have just written a post on how I don't know what to write about.

Sometimes I feel as if I were an internet dino.

I was never the excellent wiz kid in school, I studied for tests the morning before I took them, I copied my classmates homeworks and had my mom do other random assignments. Bottom line, I do not study. And therefore, it is extremely hard for me to keep up with advances in technology, because I usually just take the things I already know for granted and that's it.

I remember when webpages were only html, so I learned it, basically to manage my own blog - that made me the big shot in school, I was the only GIRL in school who knew html, did not have a face covered in zits and was not part of the comic book club.
Then people started coming up with java, php, mysql, what have you... I have become once more a dumb pre-historic person.

Another thing that has changed a lot and I cannot cope with - internet language.
Being a former English Teacher and a Major in Portuguese Language, reading ANYTHING on Myspace or Orkut is like being tortured with no way out of it.
All these new words they come up with, and new ways of writing, deliberatelly KILLING GRAMMAR... Once I was "sms-ing" a friend and he said "although you speak very good English, you can clearly tell that you're not from the U.S."
"How so?", I shot back. "You speak correctly", was the response.

And do you remember when "laughing" was as easy as "hahaha"? The other day I was talking to my niece and at one point she goes "pskdpspkdpskpdpkspkdpksp".
WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT???? "I was laughing at what you said!"

Not to mention emoticons. I simply stick to the basics:
:) means happy
:( means sad
:'( means cry
(Y) thumbs up
(N) thumbs down

This is what you'll ever see me do in a conversation on any IM. Now they have all those elaborate, intricate, exquisitely weird faces and it takes me forever to understand what on Earth it means. I remember when I first saw "S2" I kept thinking it was just some strange Emo band thing that was going on - it turns out it's a heart.
Today I received an e-mail that kept me looking at it for at least 20 minutes trying to figure out what word begins and ends with "m" and had 2 missing letters in the middle.
Do you know?

m(_ _)m

If there is a new dictionary/book with all these internet updates, please, will someone give me one?

I am not and have never been that kind of person who goes around waving my country's flag (except for the world cup in '94). But ever since I discovered this, things were never the same anymore.

There are some simple things that I used to eat/use/wear when I was a kid and, finding them for sale, and so "accessible" gives me the temptation to go ahead and buy them, just to have a little taste of nostalgia. I bought 7 (yes, SEVEN!) boxes of chocolate, a pack full of gum, gooseberry drink, yuka flour, havaianas, cereal flakes, shrimp snacks, 6 cups of cream cheese, cheese bread, white corn and some other flavours that only Brazil has to offer :)
I even bought a soccer ball with Brazilian flags for the kids at home.

I bet life in the 18th century wasn't as complicated as it is today.

I started looking for eyeglasses frames online, since they appear to be a lot cheaper that way than if you go to the optometrist and buy it there (a hint for those who were not aware of that). I am obviously just getting the frames online, then have it serviced with prescription lenses at Costco.

You'd think it's easy to pick a frame, but it's not! There are so many different options and models to choose from!!! I know the type of frame that I like best: those plastic ones, in dark bold rectangular-like shapes. With that, I narrowed down the array of options to... close to 100 pairs.

Then I started finding "problems" such as "too big", "too small", "too black", "not black enough", "too simple", "too flashy" and then there were the Vera Wangs, too pricey.
I was down to 3 pairs, and it still took me forever to figure out which one to go for. I had to consult my boyfriend, my partner in crime, my gay friend and my mom in order to make a decision.

Finally, by unanimous votes, it went down to this Valentino model:




Now I just need to pick a color...

A couple of days ago I had a little melt down over aging and time going by and my not doing anything with my life - at least not what I thought I'd be doing at this age in life.

It might be that I demand(ed) too much of myself, since I thought I'd be an internationally acknowledged journalist by age 21, a devoted loving mother by age 24 and a politically correct diplomat by age... now. None of that has happened and the odds of happening in a near future are slim, so it kinda bums me out.



Then, this morning as I'm getting dressed, I spot this flashing white hair on the top of my head, just to add to my misery.

Anyways, I've been trying to get this blog right and I remembered why I have been procrastinating so much in coming back... the trouble of changing layout, fixing links and labels and sponsors and counters, what have you... THAT is not a hobby, it's a whole man job!!! And I'm just a little person, so be patient, please.

Stepping on sinks and the whole nine yards, here I am. I know I have a lot to say, I just can't think of anything, except - don't you all hate this new blogger? I've spent the whole day looking for a half-decent layout and I couldn't find a single one that worked. I am seriously thinking about migrating to wordpress.com.

Why come back here now? With this crappy layout? Just because I had no pressure to get this baby working again.