In My Life - old

(Thursday, March 29, 2007.)

by mike binder, starring adam sandler and don cheadle.
before i say anything else about this movie, let me ask: remember the very first time you saw “armageddon”? well, i cried about 10,000 times more tonight. and by the way, liv tyler is in this movie too.

i usually just write about movies when they really move me, and this one certainly has. i was sobbing, for christ sake.
and i’ll try to put this in words, not because anyone cares, but just because i felt like i needed, see? but somehow i can’t explain or even start to understand how something so far from my own reality could open my pandora box of emotions like that.

the plot goes around this guy (sandler) who lost his whole family – wife and 3 daughters – on September 11th, and started acting wacko ever since, like he’s forgotten all about them. i actually do have a friend whose mom died a few months after he turned 18 – 4 days after i turned 18, to be more exact. ever since, he doesn’t recall any experience he had which included her. highschool is just a big blank in his life and his current friends and girlfriend never met his mom.

but anyways, i guess i just kept putting myself on this guy’s shoes, and i felt desperate for him. it kinda does make sense, if i told you what my biggest fear is:

some people are terrified of dying, but not me. i am afraid of death, just not my own... i can’t stand to think that the people around me and the people that i care for, that i love, can eventually die. be it aging, illness or even a fatality. i literally feel stabbings in my heart just to think about it and, sometimes, when i talk about my grandad and the thought of him not being around anymore, i always say “if he dies, i’ll die with him.”

deep inside i know i won’t. i can’t stand that thought, and i’m sure i’ll be crushed for God knows how long, but i’ll live. but if along with him, my whole family suddenly disappeared... if from one moment to another i was left all alone in the world... i really don’t know how i could possibly make it through the day.

yup, my biggest fear is loneliness.