Frailty.
Sunday, September 24, 2006 by Lilize
“wow, lilize, you’re so brave! i wish i were like you!”i get to hear this A LOT. just because i’ve been around. i travel.
i’m determined to go for what i want. i stay away from my family and friends. i stay away from my home. i don’t even have a home. i’m always on the run.
but actually, these people don’t know how much of a chicken-shit i am. no one does. i’m always afraid to fail, i always think i’m too weak to succeed... i'm bever good enough.
“wow, lilize, you’re so lucky! i wish i traveled as much as you do!”
that’s another thing i get to hear A LOT.
but you know, while soaking in my bath today i was thinking... maybe i could make an analogy of me and that britney spears song “lucky”. seriously, how shallow could i’ve gotten? but still it’s true.
(oh yeah, just remembered. it's been exactly a year that i went to sweden. *weep* and that is a good song to remember that.)
sometimes i feel so lonely…
and then there’s missing people... “i got used to it” - i say, but that’s not really possible. while doing supper’s dishes i caught myself bursting in tears thinking about my grandparents. how stupid could i’ve been leaving them behind?
don't worry i'll be ok. i'm just going through my astral hell... it happens when you renew a cycle you know. at least i hope that's why.
Posts
Growth is usually always good - painful at times but worth it in the end - hang on in there - maybe give your grandparents a call ?
Losing a friend will do it to you, too. I'm sorry about that.
Or maybe, if you are so unhappy, you're trying to tell yourself something, and it is time to change your life to something you can be more comfortable with? It's always so hard to tell. I'll be praying for you.
I know that losing Arthur has to be hard on you. You are probably still grieving about that as well! Just remember, when people say how strong you are, it is only meant as a compliment. It does not mean that you are not allowed to feel the things you feel, and it does not mean you can not ask for help! If you ever need anything, remember to reach out. Those friends who say you are strong, will be there for you in the end. Have a great week hun.
eu queria amigos bonitos como os seus hjauihauha ;~~